You shall douche no moar!

Jun 16 2012 Published by under Uncategorized


I am a huge fucking fan of invective. Invective snaps are instinctive and contain power. But Power needs to be used carefully or else it becomes tyranny. A child fucking swearing for fucks sake is a tyrant and a poorly educated idiot. That can be fixed.

The other side of the coin is a finely crafted retort. That takes years of practice; one shows the empty minded, invective slinging youth the error of hir ways by teaching hir to cut a motherfucker with words. You stupid, inbred, slackjawed pigfucker. There's also inventive collections, as any dickcheese nibbling badgerwankcup knows. I enjoy the latter creative expression, but can employ the former, more thoughtfully when needed.

My favourite opening line to a movie is from "Shawn of the Dead", but a lot of my freedom to enjoy that came from being English where that word seems to carry less weight as an anti-woman specific. Well, I live in the States and you fucking Yanks have different mores, so fuck it. None of that here then.

Douchebag though. Fuck me, there's a neutral swear with gravitas. But...alas Mrs. BrooksPhD disagrees. No moar douchebags in this house.


"that guy is a fucking douchebag."

"I wish you wouldn't say that. I hate that word."

"but it's a valid non-gendered expression of what a total cu.."

"Dont you fucking dare say that word"

"OK,in modern connotation it's a gender neutral expression of..."

"Fuck. that. Fuckthat. It's a fucking disgusting expression and it makes you look like a fucking pig asshole. Dont fucking say it."

"...ok darling."

I will not be a douchebag and use that term again. In front of my wife.

iPad post - internal keyboard is a douchebag invention. Edit for spelling & grammar soon.

7 responses so far

  • brooksphd says:

    Your argument was that you're "expressing" point is that it annoys the piss out if me when you fly off the handle " expressing" youreself while relaxed, happy me is sitting in your company....soooo why disrupt peace with buggery? We must compromise on this one so certain words must be banned! ( I still love you hubby ;D ) - Mrs.B.PhD

  • brooksphd says:

    You hijacked my blog? Really? IS NOTHING SACRED? Is there nowhere a man can go to find peace, freedom, relaxtion?

    You didn't uh, check the browser history did you?

    Love you too Bean.

  • gerty-z says:

    this is so fucking cute. you two rock

  • MovableBookLady says:

    I've heard folks say that douchebag is non-gendered. Nun-uh. Only women douche. Yes, you can use the same bag to clean out your colon and both men and women do it, but then it's called an enema. So "enemabag" is your non-gendered choice. Bet your wife won't like that either (and I won't blame her).

    • Zuska says:

      Yes, but I so love douchebag, because doucheing is completely unnecessary and even harmful, so a douchebag is a person full of useless (and even harmful) claptrap blather.

  • Odyssey says:

    You're married with a kid. No, nothing is sacred anymore. Happy first Fathers Day!!!!!!!!!